A child brings a new truth out of you. New things are being asked of you from the universe, from life. You start to look at the world and past behavior differently, looking for clues and guidance on how this works. As I looked back on life prior to baby, I began to notice a pattern. My most trying times, my most character revealing, personal triumphs and discoveries for the last three years have occurred during the winter. The colder months in general call for a slower pace and introspection. I think because of that, my focus tends to be sharper. I tap into this power and dig deep, throwing myself completely into my goals. I was in my first art show during this time of year. My birthday is around mid fall (November), and my own daughter was born in February. The irony of all of this is I've always shown preference to the summer. However, as of late I've gained a greater appreciation for the colder months.
"She blooms in the winter" came to me as a natural fit for the title of this mini series as a reminder to self. I wanted to take a step back and reflect more. It had been so long since I've painted for me, just for fun. While working on these paintings I wanted to give myself space to grow, to practice, to just simply paint without the pressure of "making something to sell or for prints" or sticking to one particular style. I realized that I became rigid and strict with my art. It got to the point where I got stressed painting. Why was I anxious about doing something that inherently brought me joy and peace?
For me, painting has always been therapeutic, almost trance-like. I'd lock myself away in my room at night, make a spread across the floor, as melodic jazz songs filled the room ( I paint to different music now, but it used to always be jazz). Hours would go by. There are a few times when I painted from sundown to sunrise. Covered in the darkness, the parts of me I try to mask in the day would come to life. That's why i paint. To feel that, to release. How naive of me to try to bottle up that organic magic. To force it when my heart wasn't in it. To try to house train raw talent and energy, something that just flowed naturally. These pieces were made to channel that feeling once more.